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HomeMy WebLinkAbout5. Ranking and Selection of 1993 Work Items I � INTSRPERSONAL PROBLEM SOLVING : DBALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLS AM SESSION INTERPERSONAL PROBLEM SOLVING SKILLS This seminar will provide you with the essential skills to deal with common interpersonal interactions. The emphasis will be placed on the �'Nuts and Bolts" that can be immediately applied on the job. IDENTIFYING and CONIl�IUNICATING ISSUES -Identify the problems that you face on a day to day basis . -Bring up an issue in an effective way. I, -Provide positive reinforcement. '� -Praetice the skills in a practice session. - ' -Identify and use performance approval as a performance ' management tool. ' -Develop an action plan to apply the skills back on the ; job. IDENTIFYING THE CAUSE OF THE ISSUE AND DEALING WITS IT -Determine if the issue is willingness or ability. -Deal with the issues of willingness or desire. -Dea1 with the issues of ability, skill or knowledge. -Practice the skills in a practice session. -Develop an action plan to apply the skills back on the job. PM SESSION DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PSOPLE Has another person's behavior ever left you speechless, or ready to shout? All of us encounter situations in the business world where the other people we must deal with seem i.mpossible, and the interaction leaves you feeling totally frustrated and demoralized. And many tivaes the emotional reaction we have from work encounters a=e taken home to increase tensions in our non-work relationships. This doesn't have to happen. The difficult people we encounter usually exhibit specific patterns of behavior that can be dealt with. In this workshop, you will learn how t� -identify and deal with those behaviors early in an interaction. In many cases it will be possible to change the behaviors and Develop a better relationship with the individual. Shrough the knowledge you will qain in this workshop, you will Develop confidence in you= ability to deal with difficult sitnation�. You'll leave this traininq with more than technique, you will also leave with formulas for resolving conflict and defusing potentially explosive 1 t INTERPBRSONAL PRQBLBM SOLVING �= DEALING F1ITS DIPFICDLT PEOPLS � situations you encounter with customers, clients, co-workers, and supervisors. Many of the skills can be applied to your personal life as well. WHAT CAUSES DIFFICULT BEHAVIOR - The 10 types of difficult behavior which we must deal with. - The non-verbal predictors of difficult behavior. - The IO methods that difficult people use to control the situation. - The Key Secret: Dealinq with your own reactions to difficult behavio=. DEVELOPING WIN-WIN OUTCOMES TO DIFFICULT SITUATIONS - Identifying difficult behavio= caused by a lack of skill, knowledge, or ability. - Identifying causes of frustration within the system. - Usinq powerful assertive tools: Negative Assertion and Negative Inquiry. - Gaining a buy into a mutually developed action plan. - Skill practice in developing Win-Win situations. - Applying the skills to your specific situations. CONTROL OF THE SITUATION - Identifyinq out of control situations . - Defusing the situation. - When to ask for helg. - When to retreat and reqroup. - When to get angry and how it can sometimes help. - How to reestablish relationships when you blow it. HOW TO LEARN FROM EACH DIFFICULT SITUATION SO THEY BECOME FEWER AND EASIER TO HANDLE. , - Guidelines for when to get involved. - How to stay out of situations when yu shouldn't � get involved. - Conflict management skills that can help resolve situations. 2 � '�: INTERPERSONAL PROBLEM SOLVING . DEALING WITS DIFFICIILT PEOPLS �►TORKER VALIJES IN TSE ONITED STATES, 19g8 - 1989 COMFLTANCE GROUPS "HABiTUAL WORKER" "TURNED OFF" 21$ 29$ COI�IITMENT GROUPS "QUESTIONING" 18$ "GO-GETTER" "WORK BEFORE PLAY" 13$ 19$ 3 ► INTSRPSRSON�jI. PROB,LSM SOLVING '� DBALING i�TITB DIFF'ICIILT PEOPLS • FOR EACH OF Z'fiE GROUPS, PLE�+ISE ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS. WHAT ARE WHAT LEADER WHAT ARE THE MOTIVATORS BEHAVIORS WILL THE MAJOR AVAILABLE? DEMOTIVATE? CHALLENGES PRESENTED? 1. TURNED � OFF 2. HABITUAL WORI{ER 3. WORK BEFORE PLAY 4 . QUESTIONING 5. GO GETTER 4 1 !�"��- INTERPERSONAL PROBLEM SOLVING '� DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLB THE "EXCELLENT"PERFORMtR - _ � � s : a � . . . .ANTICIPATES AND PREYENTS PROBLEMS . . . .DEMONSTRATES CREATIVITY. It� IDEAS AND SOLVIN6 PROBLEMS. � ; � + ABOVE THE NORM FOR OTHERSIN SIMILAR POSITIONS " ; i ; . . . , "SEES" OPPORTU��ITIES (FOR THEMStLF. THEIR DEPARTMENT. � TNEIR EMPLOYER). AND FOLLOWS UP ; . . . .OFTEN/USUALLY OVERCOMES CIRCUMSTANCES NOT UNllER TNEIR � OWN CONTROL , THOUGHTS ON "EXCELLENCE" � EXCELLENCE DOES NOT IMP�Y PERFECTION; THERE ARE NO PERFECT PEOP�E. BUT EXCELLENT PERFORMERS D0 EXIST� EXCELLENCE ASSUMES COMPETENCY. COMMtTMENT. AND THE PERFORMANCE OF ' ASSIGNED RESPONSI ILITIES AND TASKS AT A VERY HIGH LEVEL. BUT IT ALSO INVOLVES AN AWARENESS OF SITUATIONS AND POSS[BILITIES THAT ARE OUTSIDE TNE "ASSIGNED" JOB DESCRIPTION. FOLLOWED BY CONTRIBUTIONS ' CLEARLY BEYOND THE aREACTIVE" ROLE. j SUGGESTED INCIDENCf OF TRUE "EXCELLENCE" IN THE WORKING POPUTATtON � 1S OFTEN IN THE IO� TO IS� RANGE. IN WHATEYER JOBS� 5 INTS��1'BRS�NAL PROHLEM SOLVING DEALING TiiIITS DIFFICULT PEOPLS ' E%ERCISE: MEASURING A PROBLEM In qroups of four discuss the followinq issues and reach a mutual decision on each part. Part I Measurinq Employee Behavior: A list of employee behaviors is shown below. In the first column, indicate by writinq "S" thase which are measured subjectively and "O" those which are measured objectively. Part II Anchorinq to Reality � Zn the second column write down any real work situations you have encounte=ed that are somewhat like this situation. PART I PART II Wasting Time Tardiness Horseplay o= Jokes Falsifyinq Records Hiqh Error Rates Frequent Bickerin_q Insubo=dination "Retired on the Job" Not Meetinq Deadline Undercuttinq Others Prepare a summary of your discussion to present to the larqer qroup. 6 .. Positive discipline oI problem employees. ANALYZE THE EMPLOYEE'S IMPIEM TEN EMPLOYEE• DOCUMENtI bOCUMENTI PERFORMANCE COUNSELINC3 SESSIONS DOCUMEN'i • pe�cribe p � Provide posilive end negative • pePo�sD�ifics . • IdenNfy 11�cost pe�lorma�ce leedback • Slick to the lecis � t3alhe�dete • Exp►ess boih displeasure and • Con�ider tl�e possibility conlidence �., ol supervtaory tailings • Make cou�aeling sessions a � "word b Ihe wise" W � - Q , IMPIEMENT YOUR MONItOR FOIi C01,APliANCE REVIEW THE SITUATION ACttON AGENDA ' � ►-�i • CottductedeN�l/w��eiclyteview , > x • Revlew Ihe discipline policy • P�ovids educalion y � • Consull wiih human resources • Conducl counseAng sessio�s • Repeat you�eHorts,per your pA developmenlandmanagemenl • UtiN=e�e empMyee �udgmenl,keepinc�in mi�d ' a w • pevelop an aclion plart a��i�tsnce program tha111»ee tries i�usually • isaue wemin s con�idered s roas��nable • When you do decide lo clean 9 meximum house,ac!quickly • Employ soclai censure a • Reduce rowerds w • Examine Ihe issue oi � punishmenl • OHer auppo�t ISSUE A FINAL WARNING pppCEED WiTH TEAMINATION/RESIGNAT ION . • "Shape up or ship oul" � INTERPBRSONAL PROBLEM SOLVING DEALING WITH DIFFICIILT PEOPLS ` A BEHAVIOR PROBLEM Analysis Sheet Sample 1. D�escrtbe d�s bdsavios: Joe Tumer has 6een rrportfng to u�ork recently wdh u�hat appsms to be dmhol on his b�ath. Plos�ng hirn rn the haN on seuual n�min�and tdking wuh him�his desl� 1 haue found th�smell �avoidable. 2 VNtat b tbe�ect ot his behavtor aa ths depat�aast? 6� �dltion to cn cwaneness of Jcc's problem through my inte�dion, l haue found othd mtmbers af the depmtment dso notjcing Joe's di(fa�er�t bsi►auior dur�r►g th�e day and dearsased kne!of per/ormonu. Employees hcnc ccmpimncd thct Joe is iwlding up some of theb assignmenb and th� d�e quo!lttyy o/h�s work, when �t is subm�ted, �s not o/h�wud high� m tl�s emploqee? I �lce hlmself is cff�cted by thts�vbkm in a vatety of wcys. l�ta u�ork has sl�+o�un o marlced drop both in the amowrt bdng produced and in the qud�ty of u�hat�s p�oduc�ed. Joe dsa seems , Qgummtadve with otha empbyees.and�ti►nes, hti�Nb them/evm dofi9 dxb u�cxrc- Reoently� .bt beg�an comtng to wortc(att huo mmninss a wcek. 1 3. Desaibs how you arould appcoach tl�e problem: ' Qn ths basis of the aboue infamaaon, 1 fed that the b�rJ�avbr nesds to 6e fc�outed up. One � posaible approaeh to ust is tht foao�uotg: • Tcke Joe cside and speok to hirn dbsctl�r. � • Make sune the cor�uersation oocurs in Q prinats�ea urhens it ca�mot be ouerfiemd. i • Explatn my oluava�or.ar�d�oh�the e�fects hau�be+en on the departma�and other empbye'cs. � • Lista� to Joe's rrocsion to ths problem. • Auoid JumPin9 to oonduaiona o►pr�ejudgirig the sttua�ton und 1 hsar hie side of the stay. • Gws Joa rhe chana w tdk f�cely about h��on and maka surs 1 do not 6xk htn� '7nro c � mmer." 4. Antleipate one�ble reutlon�the employe� � .bs may neat to this s�uatlon by saying thers has betn much than�t ooaurfng in his 6ft�tely. and hs f�b Pushed bS+ ►nany fara in many db+edions. ' , 5. VIMts one actlas lt�ning respoose to t6e aboae reactloa: �n i+esponas to Jos, one rrught soy: , 'Joe, t he�3+���n9 S+o�/aj P���d P��P��mamy ptopls. An you f�n9 + dtta�rcm ycur job too?" . 8 Y INTERPERSONAL PROBLEM SOLVING DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE INSTAUCTIONS: Read each of the statements below carofully. Then decide how much each statement applies to the way you operate on the job. Circl�th�numbe�that best represents your opinion: NOTE;No one but you will ses your answers�so be as honest with yourself as you can.You wili sco�e you�own questionnaire in the seminar. 1. If 1 were at a meeting and totaily ignorant on the subject being discussed(and everyone eise seemed to understand the subject), 1 would co�fess my igno�ance at ihe first opportunity. 0 1 2 _ 3 4 5 6 T 8 g �p Not Like Ms Somewhat puite Like Exaciiy liks At All Like M� Me Me 2 if one of my best employees was coming in late and ifwas affecting his/he�job performance,!wouid tell him/her how i felt about it. 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Not like Me Somewhat Ou�e Like Ejcactiy uke At AU like Ms Me Me 3. If my boss gave me a di�ect orde�to do sornething that i feit was unnecessary,I would ask why he/she wanted it done. � 1 2 3 4 5 B 7 8 9 10 Not Like Me Somewhst Quite Like Exactly Llke At All Like Me Me Me 4. If i were giving an empioyee a poor performance review and helshe said, "Weli, you're not such a terrific manager eithe�!" 1 would ask him/her to say moro. . 0 1 2 3 4 S 6 7. 8 9 10 Not like Me Somewhat puite like Exactly Like At Aii Like Me Me M� S. If I disliked seve�al things about a pe�son with whom 1 wo�ked.i would teii him/her about my fesiings. � � 2 � . 3 4 5 g � g 9 �� Not Like Me Somawh� Ouite Lika Exactty like At All Like M� J�fe � Me �. If one of my empioyees appeared to ba avoiding me for some reason. I would aak him/her what is wron9. 0 1 2 3 1 'S d 7 g g �p Not Like Me Somewhat Ouite Like Exactly Like At All Like M� M� Me Z If 1 wero conducting a performance review with a good emptoyee and there wero a coupie of negative pointa i couid mention, I would teil them to him/her even though he/she might become upset. 0 1 2 3 4 S 6 7 8 9 10 Not Like Me Somewhat Ouhe Like Exactiy Like At Ail Like M� Me Ms 9 : INTERPSRSONAL PROBLSM SOLVING DEALING WITH DIFFICiILT PBOPLS � 8. If 1 heard from a good sou�ce that I had been passed up for a promotion,i wouid ask my boss about it. 0 t 2 g 4 5 g � 8 9 �� Not like Me Somewhat Ou`ka tike Exactly L;ke At AU _ . �ike Me � Me Me 9. If t were giving an employee an assignment which i suspected helshe didn't like, but the employse said nothing, I would ask the empioyes how he/ahe felt abaut the assignment. � 1 a 3 4 S 6 T 8 9 10 Not �ike Me Somewhat Ouite like Exactfy Like At All Llke Me Me Me 10. tf one of my employees took several days off(perso�al time ailowed by company policy},i would ask him/her what the problem was. 0 1 2 3 4 S 6 7 8 9 10 No`t�ike Me Som�what Ouite l,ike Exactly Like A!All Like Me Me Me 11. It one of my cotleagues made what I considered to be a poor presentation to a customer and the. colieague asked me for my opinion about it, I wouid be frank in teiling him/her whai l thought. a � Z 3 4 S 6 7 8 9 10 Not like Me Som�ewhat Ouite L.ike Exactly like At Ail Like Me M� Me 12 if 1 had to make a decision about something that would affect ihe p�aple in my department. i wouid get aa much input as pcssible frorn them before i made the deciaion. 0 1 2 3 4 S 6 T 8 9 10 Not�ike Me Somewhat Ouita Like Exactly tike At All like Me Me Me 13. If i were giving an employes a last-minute rush assignment and h�/sh�aaked why it had to be done that way. I would expiain what 1 knew about the etssignmenL � 1 2 3 4 S, 6 7 8 9 10 Not Like Me Somewhat Ouite Uke Exactly�ike At AO Lika Me Me Me 14. if I wefe worlcing on a proJec!with a tight deadiine and a friend from another department dropped in to chat, I would t�li himfier thai i wsa busy and could not talk. � 0 1 2 3 4 S 8 T g 9 10 Not Like Me Somewhst Guite like Exactiy Like ' At Ap Like Me � MQ � j 1S. If one of my empioyees let me know that he/she was interested in a job whiclt fiad opened up in � another department (fo� which 1 feit he/she was NOT qualifiedj� 1 wouid say that 1 couid not cecommand him/her for the job and explain why. 0 t 2 3 4 S 6 7 8 8 10 Not like Me Somewhat Ouite Like Exactfy Like At AD . like Me Me Me i0 INTSRPERSONAL PROBLSI�s SOLVING DEALING WITS DIFFICIILT PEOPLE 16. If one of my employees openiy disagreed with me in a meeting,I would encourage him/her to tell me more detaiis. � � 2 3 4 5 8 7� 8 g 10 i Not Like Me Somewhat Qu2t�e tike Exactiy Like At AN Like Me Me Me 1T. If ineetings held by my boss often wasted a great deai of time, I wouid tetl him/her how i fett about � them. � Q t 2 3 4 s 6 � 8 9 �� Not Like Me Somewhat Cuite liks Exactly like At AN Like Me Me Me 18. If one of my best employees was not tuming in routine administrative repoKs (requested by another ; department), I would fotiow up to find out why the reports were not being turned in. ; � 0 1 2 3 4 5 a 7 8 9 10 Not Like Me Somewhai Quitf L.Ike Exactly Like At AU like M� 11A� Me 19. If i had had a heated a�gument with one of my employees and I auspected he/she stiil felt bad about if. � I would ask the employee how he/she was feeling. • 0 1 2 3 4 s 6 T 8 9 10 Not llke Me Somewhat. Quit�Like Exactly liks At All Like Me Me Wte 20. If I were having personal problems which seemed to be on my mind at wortc, 1 would seek out someone to talk about them. � 1 2 3 4 � 5 6 7 8 g 10 Not Like Me Somewhat Quite 4ke Exactly Like At AI! Uke Me M� Me 11 I1�iTSRPBRSONAL PROHLSIri SOLVING DEAI,ING WITS DIFFICULT PSOPLS SCORING INSTRUCTIONS t. Transfe� the answers from the questionnai�e to the approp�iats spot beiow. (Note: The numbers below aro not in sequence.) 1. � 3. � 2. 4. 5. 6r 7. 8. 11. 9 13. 1Q 14. 12 15. 16. 17. 1a 20. 19 TOTALS TeUing Scofe Asking Scoro 2 Add each column. � 3. Draw you�Johari Wlndow in the square below.Put a dot o�the left aid�(A)at the point equal to your � total s+cor� in "Telijng." O�aw s line horizontally across the squaro to tha ri�ht aida. 4. Put a dot on the top side(8)at the point equai to your tota!score in"Asking."Draw a line verticatly to I the bottom side of the square. This completes your Johari Window. 1 :, � , ts) I �8KiNG � � � i� R � � S i: $ ii ��'�'—�--�'—�' I �o ' , m � � � � c�►) � so , � eo �o eo �o 12 INTRRPBRSONAL PROBLEM SOLVING DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PBOPLE FIVE COMMUNICATION STYLES Wb can identiiy five typicai communication styles using different amounts of telling and asking for information. ASKING STYLE #�1. (Funnei) ��r. is dominated by a large Unknown.This represents managers Z A who are not aware of much about others, nor do the others — � eS k�ow much about them.This style is achieved by giving and � asking for information in very smali amounts. This window � often describes the early phase of a relationship when the � UNKNOWN trust levei is not yet suffici�nt for an open sharing ot data The funnel styie tends to�be very impersonat. It is not unusual for a manager with a Iarge Unknown to respond to questions by r�aching for the manuai and stating, "We11, page 43. section 7C says . . . ." 8ecause the Unknown region dominates this inte�personal style.we wouid expect that there would be a great deal of unrealized potential and untapped creativity in the relationship.Wb would further expect to see withdrawaJ and avoidance as majo�dynamic fo�ces inthe�elationship.W{e have labeled this communi- cation styie"the funne!"because the persan directs the communications that he/she�eceives from abovs to the proper people below, and in tum passes up information f�om employees to the proper people. He/she,however,adds very little of self to the communications.A managecwith this style of communica- tions is often found to be operating wi�h high safety needs, l.e., writing "CYA"memos to file, delaying important decisions especialiy if there ia any risk involved, avoiding peopie in sensitive situations, etc. STYLE #�2 (Autocrst) is dominated by a very isrge Biind Spot.This configuratjon is achieved by managers who tell a tot, i.e., aiw�ys let others ABKiNG' know what their opinions are,what thei�feelings are�etc.,�but �� ask the others very ifttie.They have no trouble telling people what they think of them,how they feel about what is going on� _ ' and where they stand on varioua issues.They may lash out at others and critictze them,believing that lhey are b�ing open � A 81.lND and aboveboard. For one roason o�another. howevsr. they SppT tend to be inaensitive to the teedback given to them. They may either b� pou� listeners o� they may reapond to the Information in such a way that the othera a��reluctant to teli them anything, e.g.. get angry. th�eaten. etc. As a conse- �F � quence, they do not know how they ara coming across to other peppie. or what thei�impact is on others. - The result of this one-way communication style Is that they pers�st i�behaving ineffectively. Sincethey are insensitive to the feedbacic�rom others,they do not know what behaviors to change.Managers of this type are often aware there is a p�oblem somewhefe in the organization�but because they do not solicit info�mation. they are tot�lly unaware that they are� at least in part. a cause of that problem. 13 INTERPBRSO�iAL PROBLBM SOLVING DBAI,ING Ti�ITS DIFFICOLT PBOPLE , STYL��3. (Intervt�w�rj is characterized by a very large Facade. These managers'� communication style is to ask questions, to find out what ASKINQ others think and feei about various situations� bu!not to flive informatfon or feedback about their own thinking or feeling on these situations. Thei� "asking" arrow ia lon�, but thei� � '—'–' "telling"arrow is short.Since these managers do not commit = �' A B8 themselves in the eyes of others.it ia hard to know whare they � stand on issues. The low use of teiling can easily be inter- � � p�eted as a aign of basic mistn,st of oth�rs. and once the facade becomes apparent� it is quite posaible that the others FACAOE U will begin to withdraw their trust of the managers. This can promote feelings of anxiety and hostility ort tha pa�t of others. Ma�agers with a Ia�Qe Facade ought to try to determine their motivation fo� not sharing information with others. If it is a matte� of withhoiding informatio� fn order to malntain a powe�position or a fear of�ejection.this could result 1n very ineffective communications. STY�E�4. (Compromb�rj ASKING is a very common atyle. it suggests that the manager is ��+► working to reduca the aize of hia o� her Biind Spot and p • Facade,but as yst.has not developed the ideal Arona si�e.IMe = � often see this configuration in relatively new managers and � A' 8S superviaors who have not yet settled�nto a atyl�.lt ia also very � common i� thoas managers and supenrisors wfio uaed to . have large Blind Spots and Facades and have recentiy learned the value of giving and asking for info�matlon.Thus. F U we catch them in a period of their development whero they aro about irt the middie of the chart. STYI.E �S.{Ope� Commuaicatorj ia generally considefed to b�the moat affective cammunica- ABKING tion styie for a manageNsuperviso�. This Is achieved by a conaistentty high use af both dynamica, i.e„�telling and asking for inforrnation.The s!=e of the Arena indicates a high z levei of trust and the expectations are that information will b� � �iven and received, Ths Iarge Arona suggasts that much of � the manage�'s behavior is straightfon�rard and open to the � �� 8S others with whom hslahe interacts.As a conaequence,there is lesa tendency for the others to interpret (misinterpcet) or project diffe�ent meanings into the manager's behavior.V�ery little gneaswork isneeded to underatand what th�manaQer is F V trying to do o�to communicate. . NOTE:lt is not necessary to have a Iarge Arena with eve bod .The ry y persons with whom you have a casuai acquaintance may sse this kind of o pen n e s s a s t h r e a t e n i n g o r i n a p p ropria ta in te�ms o f t he kind of r e la t ions hip you have with them.Your si9nificaM �elationships� however� wiii improve if you strive to incroase the size of the Arena. 14 � INTERPBRSONAL PROBLSM SOLVING � DEALING WITB DIFFICULT PEOPLE � INTERPERSONAL PROBLEM SOLVING SKILLS SKILL: HOW T0 BRIN6 UP AN ISSUE? � Issues must be nm other erson in a way so e can acce t the. situation and not ecome siv For ppen t e comnunication mustl e , t ree speci ic , r criteria: ( IT MllST BE SPECIFIC The situatio� must provide specific data to the other person� so � he/she can accept the situation as real and is able to do something about it. The format for being specific is: � 1. Describe the circumstances under which the behavior occurred, or the prior agreement that you have with the person reqarding their behavior. 2. Describe how the behavior you have observed is different fro� the agreement or what impact it will have on you� others or the organization. Specific descriptions avoid arguments iabout what was seen or observed. IOENTIFYIN6 BENAVIORS: Which of the following are specific descriptioRs of behavior? f 1. Joanne is uncooperative. 2. Joanne complains aloud when asked to work overtime. 3. Bob doesn't get alonq with others. ( 4. Bob is abrupt and short with clerks who ask quest�ons. t 5. Nancy lacks initiative. 6. Nancy rarely seeks out other work when her �n desk is � caught up. 1. Mary has a good attitude. 8. Mary expresses pride in her work and in the wark of the sectian. She is always willing_to take on extra ( responsibility such as training� and quality reviews. � 9. Nancy shows initiative. . l0. Na�cy consistently produces work of exceptianal ( quality/quantity, and has develop�d several more ( effective ways for handling the work f1ow. BE OIRECT: � The con�nication should occur as ciose as possible to the event which you are talking about. The person closest to the behavior should usually be the person who com�nicates the situatian. IT � the infonaation is second-hand, identify it as such, or watch for a recurrence so that you can give direct feedback. Do not build the person up witfi a lot of compliments before you brinq up the issue. This will be considered as a negative by the follower. t BE NONPUNISHING: Punishing behavior is usually conmunicated throuqh the nonverbal ( channels. � L. � Eye contact � 15 a INTERPBRSONAL PROBLEM SOLVING DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE ' ; Body posture Facial expression Tone of voice � In many cases the punishing behavior is not an overt act on the part of the leader, but is a r�sult of the stronq emotional � feelinqs that are present a6out the issue. We are not suggesting communicating in a non-emotional way, but rather being aware of the impact your feelings will have on the communication. , Suggested methods for dealing with your own emotions are: 1. Before initiatinq the conversation cheek yourself by i asking the following questions: ; a. "How angry am I about this?" b. "Do I want to punish the other person?" 1 c. "Do I want to help the other person improve?" d. "Have I thouqht about the long-term goals of the � organization?" ( 2. Spend time, before the conversation planning your approach. � Plan and develop an outline of the ma�jor points. 3. During the conversation be alert to the nonverbal messages you � are receiving or sending. Yerbalize the nonverbal . I Connwn types of punishing behavior are. � 1. Anger: Letting the other person have it. � Z. Avoiding the problem: When you see someone do sanething that you don't tike, and you make a facial expression, � but say nothing. 3. "Sandwiching": Bring up praise before you bring up the � problem. _ 4. Becoming over friendly: Beinq overly "supportiveu can came off . as patroni2inq. � AFTER BRIt�16IN6 UP THE ISSUE IT IS IMPORTAN'f T� LISTEN TO THE OTHER PEitSOq'S RESPONSE SO THAT Y�! CAN DIA6i�lOSE THE CAUSE OF L TME ��. ( 16 L INTERPERSONAL PROBLEM SOLVING DEALING WITH DIFFICDLT PBOPLE r , SKILL. OEALI NI N6 NITN LLI N6NESS ISSUES 1. Bring up the issue. � Be specific. Be direcf. Be non-punishing. 2. Listen for the follower's response to determine if the issue i5i i a. Ability, Skill or Knowledge b. Oesire or Willingness (If no response ask: " Are you saying that you don't think ' this is important?") 1 3. If the issue is a lack of willingness or desire, comnunicate why it is important. a. Importance to the task, job or the organitation. ; b. Importance to cther employees or customers. � c. Importance to you. ("I really would appreciate your help on this b�cause......") z d. Imposed importance. If the follower does not agree at � one of these three ievels it will be necessary to use position power to get an agree+nent. If you don't have the power, stop and get it or mention that you will have � � to seek it. Example. {°Well , I quess if you can't help me I will have to talk to .° ) f _ If at any point the person expresses willinqness to do the 1 task, proceed to Step 4. The levels of importance at which you reach agreement will� � � provide a very accurate diaqnosis of the readiness level of the follower. { Importance to the task, job or organization = R3 Readiness ( Impartance to other e�nployees or customers = R2 Readiness Importance to the leader = R2 Readiness Imposed importance = Rl Readiness � 4. If the follower expresses willin ness at a level of in�portance, develop an action plan. This wi11 consist of the � following items. a. b. c. W o �s o o W at �W�ien�-- l5. Agreement as to a time for foliow up. ; r 6. Following up as agresd to. �' 17 i � INTERPBRSONAL PROBLEM SOLVING DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PBOPLS � ; SKILL: DEALIN6 MITH ISSUES OF ABILITY, SKILL OR KNOMLED6E ' 1. Bring up the issue. � Be s ecific. P Be direct. I' Be non-punishing. l ; 2. Identify the problem as due to lack of information, ability ' or ski11. 3. If it is an ability� skill or knowledge issue, use the following steps to gain a buy-in to the problem: � 4. Ask for ideas about what cau$ed the problem situation. f a. Ask for ideas regardinq causes within the system, i ( department, or job. (This is the most neutral ground to start a discussion. No � one minds complaining about the syste�.) � b. Suggest ways that you could have prevented the problem. Ask � for ideas from the other person on what you could have , done. � This is using negative assertion and�negative inquiry. The purpose of this step is two-fold: (i) It awdels that it is OK to say that you could have � done something differently. • (2) Once you have admitted your feelings about the , probl�m you c�an no lonqer be n�de to feei guilty. . c. Ask what else we could have done to avoid the problem. If � you are dealing with a pure ability proble�, the other person at this point will c�ne up with so�e ideas. If not� you are dealing with a willingness issue. Use steps listed + for willingness problems. ( 5. Oevelop an action plan. . t a� w' o b� oes W at c.By W�ien�' 6. Agree to a follow up time. �_ 7 : . Foltow up. j8. During follaw up� ask the question. uIs there anything else that we can do to prevent this in the future?� "Depending upo� the answer do problem solving for a long-tena problem using ' ( the ability or willingness models. l : is � INTERPBRSONAL PROBLSM SOLVING DRALING FTITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE , PROBLEIN SOLVIN6 WbRKSNEET 1. Define the issue in a specific, direct and nonpunishing way. a. Aqreement or situation where behavior occurred. b. 0 serve e avior. 2. Listen to the follower's response to determine if issue is , caus�d by: 3a. Low willingness or desire? 3b. Ability, skill or knowledge? � � Importance to task or ldeas regarding the system. organization. , ; � Importance to others. Ideas reqarding the leader. Importanc� to the leader. Ideas regarding the follower. , Imposed importance. j 4. If agreement is reached at any point above, determine an action plan. � a. Who? b.Wi11 do what? c.By when?1 5. Agree to a follow up time. � 6. What were th� results of the followup? 7. What positive reinforcement can you provide? 8. Ask the lonq t�nn question. "What can we do in the future to deal with this issue?" Results. 19 J. INTSRPBRSONAL PROgLgM SOLVING DEALING WITH DIFFICIILT PEOPLS ` ' � �._-- Read the following cases and decide what rrould you do if you were placed in this situation? , Case 1 � A �ustomer arrives to see your supervisor. Your supervisor has left for Chicagq an hour ago. The customer SdyS: "What da you �ean he isn't here? XXX�(X it, I fle,w two hundred �iles to see hi• and you tell � he isn't here? How could you a�ake such a d� �istake? � Your response: "Ne11, I checked his calender and you're down for ; next weelc.' � 'Oh, for Christ's sake, stop ly,ing and �aking excuses. Mhat are you goiog to do about this? Da�n it, answer �e.' Case 2 � One of the employees in your work group, seems to enjoy undercutting your superviscr. No matter what the supervisar does, this e�loyee will think of so�thinq negative to say abcut hia�. For example� last week �fien the supervisor was putting � infonaatien on a flip chart, this ea�ployee whispered to another � emp 1 oyee: '1�r can one penon be so du 11.• He smi 1 ed wh i 1 e making this coa�ent. i � Case 3 You are sitting at a n�eeting with other members of your team. � The group is discussing new approaches to dealing with customers. One men�er of the group� your division head, explodes with: "Nhat's rrrong with yoa people? You ►Mould never do aaythirtg i f I didn't push you. I suppose that everyo�e here wants to sit back Nith his head up his butt and nrait until it's too late. I a� the only one who really cares abaut this office. 6et #he hell out of , here.' l_ For each of the 3 cases, answer the following qu�stians: 1. Now wou.ld you feel about this behavior? � � 2. What impact will it have upon the work group? � 3. What would you do? Share your responses in groups of 4 to 5 participants. 20 , I1�ITERPERSONAL PROBLEM SOLVING ` DEALING WITB DIFFICIILT PEOPLE i DEALIN6 WITH SHERMAN TANKS � Th� behaviorz j Sherman Tanks come out charging. not always physically perhaps, � but their whole demeanor expresses "Attack". Adjectives that can be used to describe the Sherman Tank: ' Abusive Abrupt � Intimidating � I Overwhelming Arbitrary Arrogant . � Contemptuous Critical � Typical Reacti�s to a Shernan Tank: Confusion, Mental or Physical Flight Sense of frustrat�on ( Quotes: 'I felt confused, frightened, I could �ot get a word in edge Mise,--no ti�e to tfiink.• � Motivati� behind the 6ehavior: Ne�d to prove themselves� they are right. Tasks to be done are clear and concrete. They get impatient with those who don't see � what to then� is plainly there. When resistance to their own plans is perceived or anticipated, impatience turns quickly to irritation, righteous indignation, or outright anger. ( They can achieve short run results. but at the cost of long term relationships. They seen� to lack the tapacity to rec�ive and accept feedback about their i�pact on others. � Critical Ele�ents of Dealing Mith Shen�an Tanks 1) Give thes a littie time to run`down. ( � 2) Don't worry about being polite: get in aay way you can. 3) Get their attention, perhaps by callinq them by nan�, or sitting or standing deliberately. � 4� If possible� get thenr to sit down. 5) Maintain eye contact. 6) State your own opinions and perceptions forcefully. 7) Don't argue with what the other persan says or try to cut him S or htr down. . � 8) Be ready to be friendty. � . . � 21 �- INTERPBRSONAL PROBLBM SOLVING DEALING ilITB DIFFICDLT PEOPLS DEALIN6 WITH SNIPERS � The behavior: ; The Sniper stays behind cover, and takes pot shots at you. They ' do not directly attack, but use nct so sutle remarks, snide , conments� and non-playfui teasinq to get at the person in power. Typical Reactions to the Sniper: You feel you have to tolerate the behavior, because if you attack , you would lose the war. You feel the same inter-resentment that 3 the Sherman Tank causes, but feel less able to attack. Mot�vation behind the behavio�: Need to prave themselves, they are right. Tasks to be done are clear and concrete. Th�y get impatient with those who don't see what to them is plainly there. When resistance to their own � plans is perceived or anticipated, impatience turns quickly to ; irritation, riqhteous indignation, or outright anqer. Snipers are different than Sherman Tanks in that they avoid frontal attack. They usually have less power than the Sher�an Tank and have more frustration. Typically, they may feel frustrated by their present job situation and personal life � situation. Also unlike the Sherman Tank, their behavior doesn't seem to accomplish awch for them or others. The. behavior causes sense of � frustration in the team, and can under�ine a leader's � effectiveness. Critical Ele�ents of Dealing with Snipen: 1) S�oke tfiem out. Don't let social con�ention stop you. 2j Provide the Sniper an alternate to direct contest. 3} Don't capitulate to the Sniper's view of the situation. Get other points of view. 4) Oo move on to solve any problems that art uncovered. , 5) Prevent sniping by setting up reguiar problem salving meefing. � 6) If you are a third party to snipi�g, stay out of the middle � but do insist that it stop in front of yau. , � 22 .i INTBRPBRSONAL PROBLEM SOLVING , DEALING WITB DIFFICULT PEOPLE DEALING WI7H TNE EXPLODER The behavior: ' Exploders throw an adult temper tantrum. These tantrums are atfacks filled with rage that seems barely under control . . Resistance or provocation, intended or not, can cause a . attack of fury to the point where thinqs are thrown, and anforgivable and unforgettable things are said. Adjectives that are used to describe Exploders. ' Over emotional Super-touchy Irritable � Motivation behind the behaviors Adult tantrums are defensive reactions that we learned worked as children. The tantrum cause athers to do what we want. This behavior works on th� surface. The behavior can cause w�ll � adjusted adults to be silent, passive. and throw tantrums of their own. The behavior also produces a feeling of anger and resistance qreater than Ta�ks and Snipers. You are not generally �, motivated to determine the reasons behind the behavior Critical Elese�ts of Dealing Nith Explode z I 1) Give them a little time to run down and gain self control on their own. 2j If they don't, break .into the tantrum state by saying or � shouting a neutral phrase such as "stop". , 3) Show them that you take them seriously. 4) If needed and possible, get a breather and get son� privacy with them. � � � � � � � � � � � � � t � : � 23 a. INTSRPBRSONAL PROBLffi�i SOLVING DEALING WITS DIFFICDLT PBOPLB t , - THE CLAM: THE SILEHT AND UNRESPONSIYE PERSON 1 + Critical steps 1) Ratfier tha� tryinq to interpret silence, get the clam to open ,, �p. 2) Ask open ended questions. 3) Wait as calmly as you can for a response. Use counseling � questions to help reticent clams. � 4) Do not fill in the space with your conversation. 5) Plan enough time to wait with composure. 6) Get agreement on or state clearly how mucfi time is set aside � for your conversation. ; 1. If you get no response, con�nt on what is happening. 8) Again, wait as long as you can, then comment on what's I happening and wait again try to deal to keep controi of the interaction by dealing matter-of-factually with "Can I go now?" and "I don't know responses." 9) When the Clam opens up: Be attentive and watch your own � in�ulse to gush. Let the conversation flow some and don't � rush your agenda. � SUPER-A6REEA�LE � � The behavior: � 1. Have strong needs to be liked and accepted. They also make � others feel liked and accepted. ' 2. They becane difficult people when their needs conflict with the requirements of reality. f • 3. They will agree to things that they cannot or will not I foliow through on. ' � 4. The lack of action can cause you to }ook bad. iKey Points in dealing Nith super-agreeable. 1. You must try to identify the underlying factors that prevent them taking action. 2. Let them know that they are valuable as people. Shaw a j personal interest in hobbies and family, etc. 3. Ask about things that may interfere with the relationship. � 4. Don't let them make unrealistic cannitments. 5. C�romise if nec�ssary. 6. Listen to their huawr. 7here may be a underlying m�ssage. � MET BIANKETS OR NE6ATIYISTS - The Behavior: f1. Negativists are people who, while at times are persanally capable, have a de�p-seated conviction that any task not in tfieir own hands wi11 fai1 . ' 2. Their negative behavior is elicited by other's attempts to � solve a problc� or improve a procedure. 3. B�cause they believe that others in pawer don't care or are � self-$erving, their negative statements are made with � conviction. 24 c INTERPERSONAL PROBLEM SOLVING } DEALING WITH DIFFICDLT P80PLE � _ Key Points in Coping - 1. 8e alert to the potential, in yourself and others in your ; 1 team, for being dragqed down into despair. � 2. Make optimistic but realistic statements about past ; t successes in solving similar problems. � - 3. Don't try to argue Negativists out of their pessimism. 4. Do not offer solution-alternatives yourself ta the problem has been thoroughly discussed. i 5. When an alternative solution is being seriously consTdered, quickly raise the question yourself of negative events that might occur if the alternatives were imple+�nted. i 6. See the doam saying of tfie Negativist in perspective as ! , potential problems to be overco�e. 1. At length, be ready to take action on your own. Announce your plans to do this without equivocation. � .8. Bc�are of eliciting neqativistic responses from highly analytical peopie by asking them to act before they feel ready. � I STALLERS � The Behavior: , 1. Stallers are super-helpful , indecisive peopTe who post-pone decisions that might distress someone. � 2. This "works," because as life proceeds, most decisions, if , unmade� quickly become irrelevant. 3. Stallers hint and beat around the bush as a compromise I between being honest and nat hurting anyone. ' � � � Key points: � � � � �� 1. Make it easy for Stallers to tell you about conflicts or � reservations that prevent decision: , 2. Listen for indirect works, hesitations, and ommissions that may provide a clue to problem areas. ; , 3. when you have surface the issues, help the Stallers solve � their problems with the decision. 4. At times the Staller's reservation will be about you. If so: � � a. acknowledge any past probleias. , b. state relevant data non-defensively. � c. propose a plan. i d. ask for help. 5. If you are not part of the problem, concentrate on helping the Staller examine facts. Use facts to place alternative , solutions in priority order. This make it easier if the ' ; Staller has to turn saneone else down. � 6. If real emphasi2e the quality and service aspects of ycur proposal. . � 1. Give support after the dec�sion seems to have been made. 8. If possible, keep control of the action steps. 9. Watch for signs of abrupt anger or withdrawal from the conversation. If you see the�, try to remove the Staller ; fona the decision situation. . _ 25 Y INTERPBRSONAL PROHLBM SOLVING DEALING WITS DIFFICIILT P80PL8 � BULLDOZERS The behavior: . 1. Butldozers have in canmon with non difficult experts a strong sense that the accumulation and ordering of facts and knowledqe can provide stability in a relatively - whimsical world. , 2. Because Bulldozers believe that most of the power to affect their oMm lives resides in them. they tend to see the ideas and fornwlations of others as irrelevant to their own purposes. ; 3. The "Know-it-all" quality, that seemed appropriate and equated with strength in their parents has becon� � associated with both superiority and certainty of � knowledqe. ; Key points: - 1. Make sure you have done a thorough job of preparing yourself; carefully review all pertinent a�aterials and check thes� for accuracy. 2. Listen carefully and paraphrase back the main points of the Bulldozers's proposals, thus avoidinq over explanation. 3. Avoid dogmatic statements. 4. To disagree be tentative, yet don't equivocate: use the : questioning form to raise probiems. 5. Ask open ended que�tions to assist in the re-exaaiination cf plans. 6. Watch your rnm bulldozing tendencies by: a. listening for Know-It-All behavior in yourself. b. canveying your appreciation of the Bultdozer's � knowtedge. c. Proposing delays in action to gain time for each to review the other's proposals. 7. As a last resort� choose to subordinate yourself to avoid static and perhaps build a relationship of equity in the future. THE BALLOON DEFINiTi4N= A OBJECT wiTH TH�N FLEXiBLE wAILS FtLLED w�TH HOT AIR OR 6AS. The behavior: 1. Balloons seek the admiratio� and respect of others by actinq like experts when they are not. � 2. Balloons are often.only partially aware that they are � speaking beyond their knowiedge. 3. Balloon are often curious and aiert to infarmation.. this useful quality leads to trouble when sketchy or inaccurate information is asserted as a fuil and accurate picture of reality. � Key points: 1. State correct facts or alternative opinians as descriptively as possible and as your own perteptions of reality. 2. Provide a means for the Balloon to save face. 3. Cope wi#h a Balloon, when he or she is alone, when possible. 26 � INTERPERSONAL PROBLBM SOLVING ' DEALING WITH DIFFIC�TLT PEOPLS Controlled Anger � , _ STEP 1: REPHRASE THE CUST4MER'S STATEMENT What It Means Why Important/How Customer Benefit� • Put the customer's statement in • This gives the customer the appor- your own words as you under- tunity to clarify any misunder- stood it. standings. • Don't parrot, i.e., repeat word for • Parroting sounds like ridicule, and word the customer's statement. you could lose your customer before you begin. STEP 2: RESPECT YOUR CUSTOMER AS A PERSON What It Means Why Important/How Customer Benefit • Let the customer know that you • This allows the customer to verify perceive the source of his or her whether or not your perceptions feelings and that you believe those are accurate. feelings are justified. • It makes the customer feel valued and important. STEP 3: STATE YOUR POSITION What It Means Why Important/How Customer Benefits � Let the customer know where you • This clarifies the situation and lets stand. Explain policy, the nature of both you and the customer know the situation at your end of the what ground needs to be covered -exchange, or what you can and to reach a solution. cannot do. � OR STEP 3A: CONFRONT THE CUSTOMER WITH POSSIBLE CONSEQUENCES ' What It Means Why Important/How Customer Bene�ts • Let the customer know, openly and � This allows the customer to make sincerely, what could happen if his a decision about his or her behavior or her anger or the belief that set or belief with all the facts. you at odds persists. • It demonstrates yo�r trust in the customer's decision-making ability. • Caution: DO NOT THREATEN. * This could make the customer , Telling a customer what may angrier than he or she already is � happen, with sincere concern, is • Showing genuine concern gives a � very different from delivering an customer a feeling of value that uitimatum. makes him or her easier to deal with. � 27 l INTERPBRSONAL PROBI.SM SOLVING DEALING WITS DIFFICDI,T PEOPLS ` . Expressed Anger STEP 1: ACKNOWLEDGE THE CUSTOMER'S FEELINGS � What It Means Why Important/How Customer Bene�its ' • Let the customer know how you • It allows the customer to verify perceive his or her feelings about whether or not your perception is the situation and that you bel�eve correct. those feelings are justified. • It allows the customer to feel valued and important. STEP 2: EXPLAIN HOW THE CUSTOMER'S BEHAVIOR AFFECTS YOU What It Means Why Important/How Customer Benefits � • In anather situation, this customer • Because the customer is less likely I may be quite likable and nan- to become defensive and is con- threatening. If you focus on the sequently easier to deal with, a behavior as the problem, rather solution is easier to find. � than on the person, you indirectly i acknowledge that fact. • Sweeping generalities about how • It allows the customer to change the customer's behavior affects his or her behavior so that the ' anything and everything but you are exchange will be more productive; easy to argue with. When you this allows identification of the , personalize the effects, you are the nature of the problem and possible absolute authority. There is no solutions to be made. room for argument. ( STEP 3: ASK QUESTIONS; LISTEN TO THE ANSWERS ; What It Means Why Important/How Customer Benefits • Probe for information that can help • It leads to a solution. • you identify the problem and a ' solution. + Risk being persuaded. Even if the • It makes the customer feel valued � customer has offended you and and important. been difficult to work with, the fact • It leads to a solution. remains that he or she is angry for a reason. That reason identifies the � problem and leads to solutions. . • Don't assume. Let the customer tell • It leads to the appropriate solution you the situation. Each person and for this problem. each problem are unique. 28 „� I INTERPE P SOLVING i RSONAL ROBLffi�i ,` DEALING WITS DIFFICDLT P80PL$ Irrational Anger STEP 1: GNE THE GUSTOl�1ER THE OPPORTUNITY TO VENT EMOTIONS What It Means Why Important/How CustomerBenefits � It isn't fun to-listen to, but let • Having someone listen to what they customers rant and rave. You'It have inside makes a customer feel r know when they've said everything valued and important. � ' they needed to when they slow • Until they've said what they needed down or begin repeating them- to say, chances are slim that they're selves. ready to listen to you. i • You can gain insight into the � problem and the customer; this makes it easier to reach a solution. ( STEP 2: ACKNOWLEDGE THE CUSTOMER'S EMOTIONS What It Means Why Important/How Customer Benefits” • Let the customer know that you • It makes the customer feel valued heard not just what was said but and important. how the customer felt about it— • It allows the customer to verify and that those feelings are okay. whether or not your perception is correct. � STEP 3: MAKE A FIRM, POSITNE STATEMENT , iWhat It Means Why Important/How Customer Benefits • Take control of the conversation � � • The customer is better able to and aim it at solving the problem listen and to join in finding a � ' instead of complaining about it � solution. STEP 4: HAVE T'HE CUSTQMER MAKE DECISIONS 1 . What It Means Why Important/How CustomerBenefits � • Give the customer some choices • This enlists the customer in the � regarding the problem and its problem-solving process. Involve- i solution—not important choices, ment most often leads to commit- + because people who are irrationally ment, and a customer who is angry don't make good decisions, committed to solvin� the problem � but choices that are meaningful to will be open to different solutions. the customer. STEP 5: GIVE THE CUSTOMER THE POSSIBLE CONSEQUENCES OF , HIS OR �IER BEHAVIOR .; What It Means Why Important/How Customer Benefits , • Identify what could happen if the • It lets' the customer know exactly problem doesn't get solved in a where he or she stands. � timely manner. : ' • Be genuine in your concern for the • If you aren't being ge�uine, this customer and a solution. final step may sound like a threat. . If the customer perceives a threat, you may have to start the process all over again. 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